Why does my narcissistic ex told me that he f*cked and sleep with other woman and then at the end says that it also happened because of me?
Last Updated: 30.06.2025 05:36
i want you to research trauma bonds
here is the truth. You paired with a person who wants to hurt you. He is broken and they use sex as a weapon. Sometimes they withhold sex, to punish you or they will cheat and rub it in your face. Either way they are placing and projecting their brokeness and pain and all their shame on to you
dont blame yourself or allow the narc to blame you for their bad behaviour. Their is nothing you did that made them act like this. They were broken and mesed up long before you met them. And they will go to their graves repeating clusters of toxic patterns and traits that make up their dna.
sometimes just loving a narcissist is reason enough for them to devalue you
they do not bond. The pairing is the result of entering into the game where the narshole has the play book, they make the rules and they always win. Its never really about your wants and needs - its about how they can get what they want and when they want it. Regardless of consequences
All narsholes control, lust, own, and ultimately they get by in life satisting their one sided selfish desires. They operate in an alternate reality where life owes them, they feel entitled to quick fixes and if its at your expense or anyone elses due to their lack of empathy and impulse control - they cannot bond and are only myopically seeing life as something to exploit
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you get to see cluster b bullshittery in its reality. How a victim is groomed. How it affects family, how it destroys your trust, how sixk they can be, the lies and how they take a torch to everything around them.
You discovered the hard way that you actually invited a monster into your bed.
now a true narc cannot handle the truth, they cant handle accountability or culpability. They project and blame shift. They thrust from a core of shame and brokeness. So hurting you is part of their pathology. They once idealized you and now they love to hate you. Does not make sense does it?
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drugs, porn, sex, gambling, dating sites, various aliases, various emails, various facebook profiles, fighting, chaos, drama, endless hook ups, stds, hidden familes or side relationships, phoney resumes, sunstance abuse, mind games … all of this is part and parcel of how they operate.
Why?
so when you uncover their true selves the cognitive dissonance is jarring. How can a person who says they love you be the very embodiment of a dc comics super villain?
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hurt people hurt people
not to any of us. We recieved the dine n dash or hit n run and we are left picking up the pieces.
the truth is they will never be the person you wish they could or should be.
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the good news is you can move past this and hopefully educate yourself so that it doesnt happen to you again.
its never easy to wrap your head around it because its not normal. Its not how you live. Its not how you love. Its not even how you would treat your toaster.
life has no checks and balances no guard rails, no morals, ethics, no principles for them
you cant fix or heal them
im sorry you had to learn like me/us that Monsters we were taught, hide in the dark and under our beds. However
thats why i always tell folks i contribute my writings and answer questions to , i advise them to watch dirty john based on a true story.
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if you go back for another round itll only be worse then the first
go no contact. Do bot leave a crack open for them. IF he is your ex , their is a reason for that. Do not throw your pearls to a pig. You cannot allow this person near your mind or heart again no matter what he says or how you may have doubts you may feel lonely, confused. Want closure. Trust me on this
and really learn to be gentle with yourself
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they have maladaptive coping mechanisms and these were established long before you came on to the scene
their is no amount of couples therapy, prayer, or medication , group or 1–1 therapy that is going to turn the bus around. That ship has sailed and all you can do now is go no contact and begin your healing journey. Learn about hoovering and do what you have to do to to keep yourself safe
they will never give you answers and the full closure you need. You may slip off your cracker trying to make sense of it all but do not go back to them for closure.
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they have a disorder
The true story for me encapsulated all angles from the preditor to how they come into your life as these (masked) persons as your everything and when its over you realize they are con men/women… they can be dangerous on levels you cannot imagine and how underestimating them by blowing past the red flags will leave you feeling victimized, exploited and at a loss how it went so far off the rails.
but here is some more truth
since all pwnpd are on a scale, according to where they are on the scale , the higher up or the stronger their traits they are capable of not only hurtful but criminal behaviour
we met a person we wanted to share a life with and sadly they are incapable of giving you that simple joy.
the longer you pair with them …. The more damage they do and they only get worse as they age. Notice i used the word pair and not relationship? I truly believe you cannot have a relationship with a cluster b.
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so im sorry you paired with a broken man. Im sorry he failed you. Im sorry he hurt you,
sadly you were manipulated and abused by the sounds of it by a very sick and sadistic person. These cluster b types - not only play with your mind but they can leave you in shambles in so many ways
but you have all of that and more!
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they robbed you of time and energy youll never get back but do not blame yourself or allow him to place his bad behaviours on your shoulders.
they are like a glass of champagne but after an amount of time they really are a warm beer with a cigarette butt floating in it.
please get tested for std’s.
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Im very sorry for this experience. You are not alone. It is imperative you find a good therapist.
concentrate and focus on your spiritual, emotional, mental and physical wellness now.